Friend or Boss? Navigating Interpersonal Boundaries in Leadership

One of the trickiest transitions in behavioral health leadership comes when you’re promoted from within. Yesterday, you were sharing a caseload and laughing in the breakroom with your peers. Today, you're expected to lead that same team—manage their performance, deliver feedback, maybe even write someone up. The shift is real, and if you’re feeling a little off-balance, you're not alone.

There’s a subtle grief that can come with this kind of change. You’re not just stepping into a new role—you’re letting go of an old one. Relationships shift. Conversations that used to flow easily might start to feel guarded. That easy camaraderie can begin to fade. And while you may understand this intellectually, emotionally, it can sting.

It’s okay to acknowledge that. It doesn’t mean you’re not ready to lead. It means you’re human.

Why This Feels So Personal

Behavioral health professionals often build deep relationships with our colleagues. We’re trained to listen, empathize, and show up for people. When we’re expected to make decisions that impact those same people we have been in the trenches with—especially if those decisions aren’t popular—it can feel like a betrayal of those relationships.

Leadership often brings new information, new expectations, and new constraints. Suddenly you may be asked to:

• Sit in on confidential discussions that you can’t share with your team.

• Roll out decisions you didn’t make (and don’t fully agree with or understand).

• Enforce policies that impact colleagues who used to be your peers.

These aren’t hypotheticals—they’re regular realities of management. And they can be uncomfortable. But discomfort doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. It means you’re navigating change with integrity.

Set the Boundary—Without Building a Wall

The temptation to maintain old working relationships exactly as they were is strong. Unfortunately, pretending nothing has changed doesn’t protect the relationship—it complicates it. Your role has changed, and your relationships need to evolve with it.

That doesn’t mean you have to become distant or aloof with your former colleagues. It means being transparent, consistent, and grounded.

Here’s how to begin:

• Communicate early. Let your team know you’re stepping into new responsibilities, and with that comes a new kind of accountability that will shift your interactions.

• Be clear about your intention. You’re not interested in power trips—you’re here to support the team, create structure, and help everyone succeed.

• Maintain consistency. What you allow in one relationship, you need to allow across the board. That means applying standards and policies evenly, regardless of personal history.

Boundaries, when set with care, can strengthen relationships. They reduce confusion. They keep your leadership rooted in fairness, not favoritism.

Objectivity Over Opinion

When you’re supervising former peers, feedback can get sticky. Someone to whom you’ve vented in the past about bad systems or staffing shortages is now looking at you for their performance evaluation. And they may assume you’re still on the same page about everything, even when you’re not.

This is where it’s essential to shift from opinion-based conversations to objective expectations.

Anchor your feedback in:

• Institutional metrics

• Behavioral expectations

• Shared values and goals

This shift helps reduce defensiveness. You’re not judging someone—you’re helping them align with clearly defined expectations. You're not "changing"; you're growing into a role that holds a broader view of the organization.

The Cost of Gossip and Grumbling

Let’s talk about how you speak—especially when you're frustrated.

In your former role, it might’ve been common (and cathartic) to blow off steam with your coworkers. Complain about upper management. Vent about decisions. Share a “can you believe this?” moment.

Now? 

That kind of talk carries a different kind of weight.

Leaders set the emotional tone of the team. If you gossip, you model it. If you grumble, your team will follow your lead—and trust in the organization can start to unravel. Even worse, it makes it harder for your team to see you as someone who can influence change from the inside.

Choose your words with intention. That doesn’t mean becoming the champion for every top level leadership decision. It means speaking from your position with clarity and care, even when you disagree. It means speaking from your values and being transparent with your former colleagues about intention and impact. And when you need to vent (and you will), find someone you can trust outside your direct team to hold that space—a mentor, coach, or manager peer in another department.

The Loneliness of Leadership

Here’s something most people won’t tell you: leadership can be lonely.

There’s a certain isolation that comes with the role. You’re in more meetings, often pulled in multiple directions, and expected to hold the tension between staff needs and system demands. You're privy to things you can't share. You’re asked to implement decisions you didn’t make.

That in-between space can feel heavy. You’re no longer “just one of the team,” but you’re not exactly part of the executive club either. You’re somewhere in the middle, managing up and down, trying to make it all work.

That’s why mentorship matters. Connect with leaders who have already walked this path. The ones who’ve navigated the same awkward transitions, managed the same tricky dynamics, and found ways to lead without losing themselves. Their experience can help you hold perspective, regain your footing, and grow in your role with less self-doubt.

Final Thoughts

Becoming a leader in behavioral health isn’t just a promotion—it’s an identity shift. It comes with power, yes—but also responsibility, discomfort, and change. Relationships evolve. Boundaries are tested. And you may grieve the loss of being “just one of the team.”

But that grief isn’t a weakness. It’s a sign that you care.

With time, support, and reflection, you’ll find your rhythm. You’ll learn how to lead with compassion and clarity. And you’ll discover that being a fair and honest leader is a kind of friendship—one that’s built on respect, not just shared lunches.